finally,after much thoughts given,i made a new account with a less ridiculous email address.
i'm trying to get use to it though.
and little did i know,it was quite a tedious process.
having to re-add the contact list.
biaselah.orang terlalu free sangat sampai terlalu banyak time to spare.not.
hahs.

yesterday,went out with the family to celebrate papa's birthday.
and instead of giving papa a treat,he gave us a treat instead.
pfft.
but thank you,dearest papa.
after work,took 174 to town,and off we went to lau pa sat.
i've always loved that place cause it's like a food haven to me.
so whoever wants to date me,bring me to this place,and i'll love you muchy much.haha.okie kidding je.
the last time since i went there was like eons ago.
dinner was good.
and then walked all the way to esplanade to catch those 'every saturday live bands'.
the bands yesterday were good,the first was a SKA band.i love the way how they played and there's this makeshift 'mosh-pit' in the middle of the theatre where those 'ska fanatics'(sorry lah hor.no offence) skanked their way to every songs.it was cute.haha.but i drooled over the second band the most because their pieces are all so sensual.and i drooled over their violinist.we didn't stay to catch the last one though.
and Man,next time nak ajak gi gig,bilang siang-siang eh.
aku paham nak pegi sorang-sorang,tak steam kan.lol.next time,okie?

it's raining outside now and thank god i'm spending the rest of my sunday at home.

and i'm missing one-third of my abigood.
come home soon safely,honey.
(:

note to self:11 more days to the first paper.(:

and damn mel DDD quiz.
can't you tell,i hate doing you every single week and not even getting good scores for it?
grrr.

♥ 11:57 AM

another day of coughing like mad,and i think i'm going to lose my voice box.
penat tau asik batuk batuk tak baik baik je.suara pon rock habis dah satu minggu.gah!

anyway,since i had two hours of break in school today,i started my mugging session already.
went up to the very last floor of the library,found a very quiet spot and i started on proteomics lecture 1.
but,i fell asleep halfway.
pfft.there goes 1 1/2 hour of my time spent on taking that nap.
and thank god for the incoming message on my phone that woke me up.
i would have just missed the lecture and slept all the way.hahs.
but i was still so sleepy at the next lecture until i completely stoned myself until 3pm.
ah.that's my friday.

papa's birthday is tomorrow and hopefully i'll get my pay by tomorrow too so i could treat the whole family to dinner,and an ice cream cake.

now,back to my movie-ing session.
it feels good to be at home now.


happy happy weekend,loves!
(:

♥ 10:51 PM

i've been to so many places the past few days.

♥ 9:04 AM

in times like this,i am already at my wits end.
i'm seeing everything falling apart now.
too much.too much is happening.
i am scared.scared of what is going to become,next.
i know i should be strong,bearing in mind that everything happens for a reason.
but after so much tears,
i guess i can no longer take it.
i just don't know what to do now.

thank you girlfriends for standing by me all this while.
when i need a shoulder to cry on,you girls were there.
when i need warm comforting hugs,again,you girls were there.
nobody else could ever do it except for you two.NOBODY else.
i don't know how i can do it without you girls in my life.

='(

i wish somebody can just pick me back up.
i'm badly torn into pieces.

♥ 10:55 PM

certain things keeps me getting so agitated again and again today.
just like they said,a hungry girl is an angry girl.

so yeah.
i spent one whole day at home.
it was good,cause it's been a long week.
and the past few weeks drove me nuts.
i was fatique.
too fatique to even care about things.

and no.i didn't even care about food.
i only ate my breakfast early in the morning,and that was it.
i thought it could stand me up till tomorrow.
but no.my stomach churned real bad by the evening.
i was trying to control it with all i could.
there wasn't any food at home.
and even if there was,it will not satisfy my angry tummy.
so,i waited and waited until i couldn't stand it any longer.
carrie wanted to call McDee but papa wouldn't let us.
i was throwing tantrums,unknowingly.
and i insisted to just call McDee silently,without papa knowing.
we did,and we requested for them to be sent at the lift lobby.
and our intention was to finish them off at the void deck.
when the phone call was done,i was happy.
BUT THEN.
papa somehow knew about it.
he was pestering us to tell him what we did.
ah.a father's instinct.
we thought he would blow off his top,but he told us to order for him and the rest something too.
gah!told you,the whole family is hungry.
ego ego.
and when the food came,it was all devoured in just 10 minutes.
tsk.

but i am very happy already now.thank you mr McDelivery(you're cute by the way.hahaha).(:

and ohhh..i gave my baby lappy a face lift today.
and it looks super good i wish i could just kiss it to sleep.
*muahhhh*

at times,there's just this urge to let everything out.
to ease this little thoughts in mind.
it makes me still so uncertain about things.
things which had been so wonderful i don't even wish to let go.
i can be patient,but i don't even know for how long do i have to put up with it.
i'm weak.
i don't even know the real feelings right now.
i wish things could stay just the way they were a few months ago.
it was beautiful,and it even got me falling deeply into it.
but somehow,things changed.
and it has been killing me,slowly,yet silently.

is there any way i could change it back to the way they were?
cause if i could,i would gladly love to.
bring back those moments when i fell very much in love.

with you.

♥ 10:46 PM

it's like any other day.
where the days are dull and mundane,but little little things which will always happen in between that will never fail to cheer me up.

if only there are things to make me feel much,much better.
which,i know there are.
but i just have to wait for it(:




and somehow,i'll let time decides everything.

♥ 11:22 PM

i woke up in the morning,feeling alarmed,because i lost my voice all of a sudden.
i tried to scream but no words could be heard coming from the mouth,and my headache was at their very best.
first thought: oh oh,i'm sick.
but then,there's no temperature.

was supposed to start work at 9am,but i came in at 1pm after telling the boss.
the morning didn't favour me that much.
i was at my worst.
i sounded like a croaking toad and tried to release all the voice i could have when giving bby wake up call in the morning.
the head felt like being thumped hard against the wall for a few days already.
i forced myself out of bed,made the bed,shower,made myself breakfast and lazed around after breakfast until i had to prepare myself for work.
and at work,i was dealing with this headache of mine.i was like a zombie.

i don't know why.
but i am very tired,until i can sleep for more than a few days without waking up.
i guess overexhausting yourself doesn't do you any good at all,do they?

again,i've been procrastinating.
common test,common test.
i really wanna do well this time round.the last common test i'll be having in my entire poly life.
so,there's no other way but to get myself back up,and start revising.
(i don't know how many times i've been telling myself this,but i still won't budge.pfft.)

the weekends are here again.
and there's so much i want to do,but so little time.

there's so many places i want to go to.
maybe i should make a list of those places and really step my feet on those places before i turn 21.
that way,i'll have somethings to accomplish.
and a sense of accomplishment = pleasure.
i loike.

oh,and i can't wait for next friday.
at least there's just something i can look forward to.
(:


now now,i've got to do something about my lost voice.
i sound so bad that i could just keep quiet for at least a week without talking.

♥ 10:59 PM

i woke up late for 8am morning tutorial,and so,i just went for an hour lecture for the day.

♥ 11:44 PM

i realised something about me lately.
just as much as i despised gothic rock,i think i'm in love with it,currently.
blame the besties for letting me hear the songs by within temptations.hurhur.
i love the lyrics,though its quite sadistic and dark.
but actually,it's not that bad.sometimes,it just makes you want to sing your lungs out and relate to it.
it's..very nice,really.

i have issues with myself today.
there's this hugee urge to go shopping again.
i saw lots of maxi dresses,which kinda to my liking.
it's pretty,but i was battling with my emotion to wait till my pay next week.

and eversince my baby had died on me,

but it will have to wait though.
i guess i'm gonna turn into a shopaholic,pretty soon.
prolly a growing up woman's needs.

end of the year is just peeping around the corner again.
how fast the days have gone.
and before i know it,i'm gonna graduate pretty soon.
just 3 more months in np,and i'm out for attachment.
adding up to my thoughts,i'd better start planning on what to do after graduation.
gawd.
everything is still so uncertain.
if only you can be students forever.



now,back to my reading before tucking myself in!
(:

♥ 11:07 PM

things has gotten out of hand at certain times.
but these little things just add on spices to the daily lives.

little did i expect to see myself back in dikir.
but honestly,i do miss performing.
so maybe i just think i should give myself a go since i have time to spare eventhough i need to juggle school,work and trainings at the same time.
after all,its only for a few months.
and i just see the need to keep myself busy these days just to preoccupy myself.

first training just now since the last i had last year.
though there's no more familiar faces i'd known of,the rest were still hospitable.
and cute.
haha.
and i sucked at ragam i think i need more practices.
and its been a long time since the pecah suara moment until i almost choked myself while getting on the high pitch.
gah.
(oh and i was pissed with myself for procrastinating to buy deodrant until i smelt today.my shirts and all.shucks.my worst smelly day ever!but it's not that bad i think but thank you bestie for repeatingly spraying your perfume on me.haha.)
but,i still had fun(:

and the whole day was spent with dear bestie.
something just make me feel better.
thank you for hearing me out,for lending me your shoulder.and dearest,no worries,cos i'll always be there for you too.
and you'll always have my shoulder to cry on too(sampai airmata mu masuk dalam baju aku eh.tapi aku suker,very warm.=p )

i should be getting some sleep soon.
the headache never gets any better.

goodnight,world.

♥ 11:52 PM

meet my boyfie.haha.okie.giler.my handsomest-little-baby-cousin-which-obviously-is-no-longer-a-baby-anymore-cause-he's-old-enough-to-be-legal-at-certain-things.(girls,you want him,get thru me,FIRST!i love him!hahaha.okie.giler again)and look at that height.see how short can i be?pfft.(and carrie will say,"kak,maner mater,kak?"haha.blame the ceena blood which,for uncertain reasons,seems to affect me,only.not carrie,not adli,not danny.gah!)

and today,was an aunt's jemputan over at bedok.
it was a simple wedding affair,but i somehow love the setting.
but too bad we didn't have any pictures of it though.
cause we were too engrossed with the berarak and silat pengantin and 'human-watching'.
and our uncles are all grown-up like us,eh carrie?(haha.okie.inside story,with carrie.gaga.)

tomorrow's monday.
another beauuttiifooll week ahead.

and oh my gosh.at least 3 more weeks to common test.
better mug like hell.
and then,will look forward to the 3 weeks break after that. i can just see myself working my ass out everyday.
but then,girls please,i want a gateway to anywhere!
start planning ayeee..(:

oh and yes.this coming pay:enrol again for class 3C.note to self:better finish it off this time.and please daddy,may i just have a class 2b,too?my own expense!prettyyyy pleaseeee??

♥ 7:44 PM

seeing those disturbing pictures in the newspaper.
it's scary just to imagine yourself being engulfed and attacked by 3 cute and adorable white tigers.
okie,they're actually true beasts,but i guess it's their nature to be aggressive.
and offering yourself to them?
that's suicide.
ah wells.

i have the tendency to get very tired easily,eventhough not much work is done.
and the major headaches just keep on coming back again at random intervals nowadays.
and i'll always feel cold eventhough the surrounding is warm.i really shivered.
i remembered the last check up i had around late last year when i was told i had iron deficiency. okie,that explains the frequent headache,when the red blood cell count is low and causes lack of oxygen to be absorbed into the brain.
and after reading up on some things,my biggest fear is that i really do think i'm having anaemia.
gosh.i need another check up soon.
and people,where can i get a source of iron?
i don't eat meat,red meat.i hate liver,i don't take in green veggies and dried fruits.i don't drink milk.force me to eat all that,and i'll puke everything out.pfft.
what's another alternative source?mother's milk?oh yummay.*lick the lips*
haha.
okie let's just be serious.
and taking supplements is a no no for me.tell me,how to when i can't even swallow pills?
gee..i've just embarrassed myself here;p

okie enough cause i only have myself to blame.

anyway,i'm glad today's friday.
eventhough i might just have to wake up early in the morning tomorrow for work(and thank god i have carrie to accompany me all the way to work as yes,she had just started working at the same centre too!)
and i think tomorrow is something i can look forward to.
meeting my favourite girls(senoritaz babies!) after work.
yeay!girls' night out!(:
bugis bugis.prolly sheesha again,eyh girls?
gah!

and yesterday's evening at west coast with my two girls,you don't even want to know what happened.
it was disturbing,i almost brokedown and i got myself too paranoid until i had mama to accompany me back home very late at night.
thanks banyak banyak eh dyla!(:
but then,those chats over at the breakwater was something i had been longing for.
stories were shared,heart to heart talk which made me feel so good.
and those hugs from the girlfriends?never gets any better.
don't forget the bus rides!that was so funny and it's been such a long time since we really did had some girls' 'usual' fun.gagaga.
thanks,loves!
we'll do them again very soon,but please,no more nights at such places.
macam maner kuat ego aku pon,aku lemah semangat,hokay.lagi lagi it's my time of the month.pfft.
(:

well,just look at the time,and my stomach's churning real bad.
time to have my dinner(cum my lunch) now.

happy weekends,sayangs(:

♥ 9:14 PM

good morning world(:

so today,i woke up feeling dandy fine,but i just don't know why am i so tired.
and i don't feel like going to work.
feel the weather,it just makes you wanna tuck yourself back under the blanket.
so yes,i did got myself ready and all.
but after the change of mind,messaged the boss.
approved,and i went back to sleep.
hahs.lazy bum bum.
but i feel so good.
thinking of one whole day doing nothing but just laze around at home. but maybe,just maybe,i'm going to ask my girls to bring me to the beach later.

i've been going on a 'junk-ing myself' spree these few days.
and yes.again,junking myself just perks me up.
maybe because of the sugar rush.
it takes control over me.
and it makes you so darn good you'll just forget all your woes.
i love it though i know if this continues,forget my diet plan!
hawhaw.

and these days,i have this weird weird dream.
every night.
but when i wake up,i can't really remember the actual content of the dreams.
i can't seem to recall them,and i don't know why.
pfft. and daily thoughts and events just sucked the hell out of me.

take a deep breathe,and everything's gonna be alright.

i'm ending this off now.




anyway carrie,i just don't know what to say to you.*spank your butt and run*

♥ 10:10 AM

why can't i just feel it?
oh whyyeee?
there's just somethings which i need to know.
to feel.to make my mind at ease.
='(

i guess,time will tell.

on a random note,i think katy perry's cute.
the next big thing after,erm,lily allen?
and her songs are absolutely awesome.

i miss those days when things are just so simple.
reading syaz baby's blog made me reminisce those days when you can have all the time in the world for your friends and yourself.
spending simple times with each other and living with whatever you've got.
those simple hang-outs without you having to spend too much money on.
the almost daily movie marathon routines we did while junk-ing ourselves.
those days when you can just talk your hearts out and never be criticised in return.
we might be young,but we truly understood each other.
mistakes were made,were corrected.and our friendship bloomed every single day.
and to be in love without getting hurt?it's possible those days cause i've never really been in love at such a young age.
and you'll never be lonely with their companies every single day.
boys,to us,doesn't really matter much.
we do have crushes and all,
but to be in a serious relationship at that point of time,was really not in our minds.
because we know,we have each other to not really care about those things.

but as time goes by,after those wonderful tweenage years,things have to change.
we each have our own life to live.
mindsets became more matured enough to think of oneselves.
loneliness can be felt every now and then.
our circle of friends widens,but those who stood by us all the way,is limited.
money,do matters.
and matters of the heart?becomes more complicated.
at this age,everyone wants to have their own love story.
and seeing those friends being so in love for a long period of time,just never fails to make you smile and be happy for them too.

but whoever said adulthood is easy?
too much to deal with,too many things to handle.

i miss being sixteen,being so carefree.
it's only you,your friends and the world.

i wish i could turn back the time.

♥ 9:51 PM

Sometimes you need to run away just to see who will come after you.

situations these days may seem so vague.
at times i don't know what to expect next.
most of the time,i do wish i could hold on just a little bit longer,not being ambiguous of tiny little things which might just pull me down.

and i love the weather today.
rain.bleak sky.cold wind.puddles everywhere.
gloomy monday,the kind of mood that sets me in.

♥ 11:07 PM

these days,i have this temptation for seeking thrills.
any kinds of thrills which can make me grip something so tightly till i've no longer the strength to do so,which can make me scream my whole heart out, and have a good laugh at the same time.

there's just somethings which you can do to make you feel so good.

♥ 1:57 PM

and someone.anyone.

please take me out on a date.
like seriously!



ps/senoritaz,if you're reading,message me okie sayangs sayangs?
(:

♥ 11:49 PM

i know,i've totally lost it.
but it's never my intention to be so harsh on you.
i do care.
i just want what's best for you eventhough you might think it doesn't mean anything to you.
i told you,i don't even want you to look back one day,regretting things.
cause if that happens,it's too late to even be pondering about it anymore.
you might be angry with me now.
go on.just be.
but i'm still gonna be here for you.


things have never been on my side lately.
i've been temperamental,more ego-istic than before.
i've blown my top a few times silently.i've been laughing.
i've cried.i've hurt.i've been hurt.
i'm worn out.badly.
but i'm still so glad for the things that had just happened,is happening,and will happen.
for,what doesn't kill me,makes me stronger.


and something to quote:
'There comes a point in your life when you realize who really matters, who never did, and who always will. And the one who always will,will always and forever be the one who's there for you all along,it was just that you don't see it'.

-dear sissy,i couldn't agree lesser.

♥ 10:55 PM

if it's wrong to love you,then my heart just won't let me be right.

♥ 11:41 PM

every little thoughts might just kill me now.
trust your instincts.they are always(if not often)right.
it hurts.sure damn it does.
i wish i know what i'm gonna do next.



god,i need a breather.

♥ 3:53 AM

yesternight was the most odious,depressing,revolting,horrendous and all those terrible words i can think of,ever.
i woke up in the middle of the night with a cold sweat,clutching my cramped tummy.
the pain was unbearable,and i had to run to the toilet.
but instead of releasing my stomach content from the 'below part of the body',i puked and puked until there's nothing left to puke.
i was trembling like mad and was all weak after that,but the cramp was still untolerable.
and when i looked at the clock,it was just 3am.
i couldn't sleep,was tolerating with the pain and i had to bear with the pain in silence.nobody was even there to comfort me.(not even carrie who was sound asleep right beside me.pfft!),until morning when mama woke up to get ready for work around 5am.
and again,i feel the need to release all my stomach content,so i ran all the way to the toilet,but this time,i didn't puke.instead,it came out from the other way.and damn it was a painful moment.
i don't even know why the stomach upset.
but i swear it was bad,and i didn't get to sleep well.
dear god,just don't let it happen again.i promise i'll watch what i eat.really.

it feels good not to have any classes or work on tuesday.
at least i got a day off in a week.
and it feels good to wake up later than usual in the morning once in a while,considering that i didn't get to sleep well the whole night.

later in the afternoon,i went back to school to hand in proteo practicals.
and while on the way,there's too many things i'd observed which kinda made me laugh to myself.
i guess it's a very typical situations we have here when secondary school's hoilday are in?hehs..
but maybe i won't share them over here(:

had late lunch with mama and the lil kiddos at causeway point,and thereafter off home,taking 965 all the way to sengkang.mama was a lil funny though when we were in the bus.lame jokes were shared,and i got myself laughing at everything.



gosh.minus off those stomach upset moment i had in the early morning,i think i'm gonna love my tuesdays(:

♥ 11:40 PM

i'm psyched just to know the fact that i could just connect my hp to the lappy by using only usb cable.
in other words,no more transferring of files thru carrie's bluetooth.
hahs.
and goodbye to the thoughts of buying that blutooth enabled thumbdrive.
thanks to the good old usb(:

and monday had been pretty much boring.
2 hours of lecture in the morning and 4 hours of pathetic lonely break until the next one hour tutorial at 3pm.
i guess that's how i'm spending my monday.
i just hate a loonngg break,alone.and this is when i realised i miss my fyp partner and other people that had left me for attachment,too much.pfft.

Just something i need to share about school stuffs.i guess Proteomics is okie.i guess i can still understand and get the gist of it.but let me tell you something.i think i'm gonna screw DDD big time.organic chem?drug discovery?oh come on,i can't even do OBC in year one,not even IPC.(at least instrumentation in year 2 is not that bad though.)and this?i should have chosen the business option instead.i matii lorr.

okie so anyway,i swear i'm still in love with jason mraz even after his first hit single a few years ago.
i still think he's sexy.
and look at that video.

if someone can sing better than him,trust me,i'll love him till death.haha..

♥ 8:25 PM

nothing beats better than having retail therapy after so long.
and what's with my first pay which had already came in last night,i am practically elated.

i still want to watch The Coffin.
i couldn't possibly find it online because obviously it's not an international movie,and i don't even know which kind souls are free to watch it with me.
furthermore,it's been quite long since i caught a movie,and to watch a movie alone?
forget it.
hahs.
so anyone up for it?please?pretty please?*smile wide wide*(oh,i sound pathetic)

oh,and did i ever tell you,i have natural curls?
haha.
okie so well,i did went for a hair cut a few days ago,for thinning because as you know,i have a thick thick bunch of hair.
it turned out,well,nice.but it was too thin.
but then,two days ago,my once long gone curls eversince my secondary school days started to form again.
and really,it looked like i went for curls.but only this time,its a natural one.
so yah,i guess i love my curls.no more straight hair.and no more,short hair.
again,that pretty much makes me elated.
oh,and i'm still deciding on doing bangs soon.yeay!





now now.i figured i'm just too fly to be depressed,so i guess i'll just do what's best for me.
goodbye pretty people of the world.
enjoy every minutes of your sunday because lil you may realise,monday's gonna come creeping out in a few hours time.
so,happy sunday.

♥ 3:53 PM