i know,i'll get through everything,just fine.

okay,now i really need the bed.

♥ 4:33 AM

today was a loooong day at work.
i was fatigue,famished,tired,because it was madness,with the kids streaming in like river flowing non-stop into the centre.
and there was alot of papers to mark,things to be done until charlene(my companion for the day) and i were the last to leave the centre quite later than the usual closing time.
but somethings just made me smile.
having kids' talks with some of the kiddies while helping them out with the classworks.
and one boy came up to me with a paper in his hand,and said: "teacher siti!this one's for you!" while handing me the paper with many heart-shapes drawing he made.
he was such a sweetheart,really.
kids,really do wonders,even when you're down(:

apart from work,life has been quite mundane lately.
i miss many people.
there hasn't been much things happening.
i guess people are very busy with their own lives,with their own boyfies,assignments,projects,work.
there's little sharing of daily updates.
and i didn't get to talk to bby too these days.
there hasn't been much conversation with that boy.
i still do hope he remembers me though.hahs.(:
oh well,i guess that's just how life is gonna be like in days to come,i suppose.

i've never been feeling good these few days.
the cough won't go away.
the headache gets worst at night.
the nose is seriously blocked.
and i'm running temperature every now and then at night.
i just think it's a case of those swollen tonsils of mine again.
the throat never gets better.
and i wish i could just take an mc tomorrow.


and seriously serious,i need the beach now.


argh.
when you feel like the world doesn't side you,
you just feel like disappearing.
now,i just feel like i could just disappear.

♥ 9:28 PM

these days,i have this instantenous craving for ice cream.
ice cream prata,cone ice cream,mcFlurry,ice cream on a stick.
arh.ice cream.
like many would say,'buy me ice cream,and i'll love you to death'.
haha.what crap.

i'm having a conversation with a dear ex classmate when i was in bpghs amidst blogging at the same time.
it was funny because i once tried running away from him quite a few times,knowing that he was trying to get at me.
asking out for dates,asking me if i ever will find myself in an inter-racial relationship.and many times asking me to get into a relationship with him because he liked me and he said i was HOT (haha.yang ini aku still tak bleh angkat lorr).
and i can vividly remember the time when he touched my butt!and i shrieked until the whole class knew about it.
i was freakingly scared to death.but somehow,i find it quite cute.
and what's more,he's a cute chinese.
haha.
but he's outgrown all that,i think.and i still am able to say no whenever he playfully asked those impossible questions,because i've made it quite clear to him and i know he doesn't mean it now,not that i know that he was really serious at that time.
but he still asked me for a movie date tomorrow before he book-in back to camp.
cute kan?but dear friend,i don't even have a day to spare,not even for myself now.
so probably,next time then?
(:

and what's up with people and psp nowadays?
in the morning,i woke up to the sound of racing F1 cars.
but i didn't even think of it coming from the tv,cause it came from my parents room.
and so,i peeped my head into the room,only to find papa playing psp in his bed.
omgee.
father?psp?in the morning?haha.what's becoming of the world and games.pfft.


and to dear partner and whoever's celebrating the festival of light today,HAPPY DEEPAVALI!((:

♥ 9:17 PM

i've always loved sunday.

followed mama to a wedding invitation in bedok,then took the bus home.
and once i reached home,i fell asleep,due to the headache,yet again.
only waking up in the evening,to the sound of my ringing hp.
i was surprised at myself because i've never really been doing this.
so when i awoke,i thought it was already 2 or 3am in the morning because everywhere around me was darkness.
and i was in a daze until carrie told me it was just 7.30pm.
and my head is still aching.
i could just sleep and never wake up.

i just feel like going to the beach.
it's been a while.
with my scribbling book in my hand and sitting down to enjoy the breeze.
will sure makes me feel at ease.
(:

anyway,i'm addicted to this song.
nice,though it's kinda sappy.hahs.

♥ 10:11 PM

my chest hurts a lot.
my throat hurts.
my head is heavy.
and my shoulder aches.
gah.
i just hate this moment.
i wish someone can just give me a tight warm hug and then put me to sleep.

first day at work.
the workload was killing me.
but the kids were adorable.
seeing them,keeps me going eventhough i was almost giving up,what's with the sick cough,droopy eyelids and severe headache.pfft.
i was so glad when the clock strikes 6 though.punched out,and i went off home.
but it'll never happen to the rest of my another two working days,10 hours straight,from 9 am-7pm/8pm.
(endure,endure,endure.because i've already expected this.hahs.)

and to my 8 years senoritaz,i love you girls!
thanks for coming by.
eventhough it was late,and i was almost dozing off,you girls' presence are deeply appreciated.
and i'm so sorry i couldn't join you girls today,though it wasn't the full force.
but i wanna say..
thank you for the crazy camwhoring moment.
thank you for the lovely belated birthday surprise.
thank you for the sweet strawberry cake.
thank you for the lovely lovely gifts.
oh mannn.you girls are ever so sweet.
i wanna meet all of you again soon please?
this time kan,kalau aku yang plan,sumer kene gi okie?
lagi skali lah,aku sayang korang2 sumer tau!
after a tough long day,having you girls made my day.
(:

♥ 11:56 PM

numb.

because that's the only thing i'm feeling right now.

i do feel like ranting out so many things tonight.
but i think it's just not a good idea as i'm totally numb,and the words and thoughts can never be expressed out quite nicely,properly and correctly.
well,sometimes,numb-ing myself do feels good.really good.
so let me just keep things to myself,for tonight only.

anyway,found this somewhere.
pretty interesting.



*Infatuation is instant desire. It is one set of glands calling to another.
*Love is a friendship that has caught fire. It takes root and grows, one day at a time.

*Infatuation is marked by a feeling of insecurity. You are excited and eager, but not genuinely happy. There are nagging doubts, unanswered questions, little bits and places about your beloved that you would just as soon not examine too closely. It might spoil the dream.
*Love is quite understanding and the mature acceptance of imperfection. It is real. It gives you strength and grows beyond you to bolster your beloved. You are warmed by his/her presence even when he/she is away. Miles do not separate you. You want him/her nearer, but near or far, you know he/she is yours and you can wait.

*Infatuation says, "We must get married right away! I can't risk losing you!"
*Love says, "Be patient. Do not panic. Plan your future with confidence."

*Infatuation has an element of sexual excitement. If you are honest, you can admit it is difficult to be in one another's company unless you are sure it will end-- in intimacy.
*Love is the maturation of friendship. You must be friends before you can be lovers.

*Infatuation lacks confidence. When he/she is away you wonder if he/she is cheating. Sometimes you check.
*Love means trust. You are calm, secure and unthreatened. Your beloved feels that also and makes them even more trustworthy.

*Infatuation might lead you to do things you will regret later, but love never will.
*Love is an upper. It makes you look up. It makes you think up. It makes you a better person.

So, love is real, and it lasts.
Infatuation is magical, mystical, very unreal, and it will always goes away.
agree,no more.

Labels: the second;a different kind of love.

♥ 8:14 PM

maybe i'm just not the type who will sit and waste my days doing nothing but to finish up the food at home and sleep my arse out.
and since moolah has always been an issue and realising that i might use my time to do something more productive and serious,mama persuaded me(time and again) to look for a job to occupy my time and hopefully i can help with the family income at the same time.
(and then kan,i can also dream of getting those pretty pretty dresses,eat ice creams everyday,buy vcds to keep myself busy at home,treat mama and daddy to makan makan at least twice a month,watch movies and set aside duit nak kawin.hahaha.okie.sumer tu macam paham.padahal gaji baru berape.=p)

no more fnb for me.definitely no sales.so,i'll just stick to teaching.
and since i don't even want to work at carrie's tuition centre,i decided to call up every centre they have in the morning.
and thank god,there's one available.
oh,what luck.
and i might have to come down to that particular centre to meet the instructor this thursday.
just great(:
wish me luck people.hahs.

and guess what.
the two brothers are gonna get into trouble.
syazwan's form teacher just called mama to inform about his performance in his sec 2 streaming and obviously he didn't do very well and that has kept mama worried(fyi,papa haven't even know about this.lol).
and that lil one's maths paper is coming up this friday.
but still,he hasn't be able to cope well with his on going revision,as it seems.
i don't know,but the siblings has this humongous issue about doing well and passing maths subject,well,except for carrie of course.
maybe it's in the genes?but nah,papa is super good with it.and fortunately,the only one who inherited that is,yes,carrie.but not me and the lil brothers.
and how's that?pfft.
hands down.i give up.
to the two brothers,i feel you.but just do your very best.

i've nevr been in love with maths too.oh well.

♥ 1:31 PM

sometimes,curiousity might just kill the cat.
yea.it might just kill the cat.

i wish i can travel to places far away.
where the land is covered with soft snow.
peace and serenity written all over in the surrounding air.
away from everything.
and i can just spend my time doing nothing but curl up in the warm quilts and fall asleep and to never wake up until i feel like it.

but now,i guess i might just have to make do with my bed.
and the tv in the living room.
and the sofa too.
life,as it is.
though i know i'm very much contented with whatever i have.

the months past by so fast you'll never realise that the year's gonna end pretty soon,if you have no chance to take a breather.
and i know i've not been doing anything of useful lately.
been sitting down and helplessly watching the time and the world pass us by.
i've gotta start planning what to do with myself in times to come.
i realised,i have to stop my 'living for the moment' attitude and start thinking of a substantial future.
too much of living in my own comfort zone doesn't do me any good yaw.
somewhere,somehow,things have got to change.
cause it's too tormenting to actually know the fact that i'm never gonna go far if my attitude is gonna continue being like this.

and heck.
somethings are just bound to be ignored.
and that's it.

♥ 2:24 PM

first week of school is finally over and done with.

♥ 10:52 PM

today.
today.
today.

i love today,minus the thoughts of having to wake up early in the morning to go to school tomorrow,and how unlucky i am to have 8am morning lesson.
and,plus the fact that koh,is gonna be the lecturer for the whole of tomorrow.
really,i'm not at all prepared for the new semester.
it seemed so..slack.
i'll die.alone.sure enough.
anyhoo,i've got to have the grades.whatever it takes.

back-track.
i love today.
that's all i've gotta say.




oh.my knee!my knee!
swollen and pinkish+blue-black and fugly knee.
oh well,i've gotta learn my lesson.
='(

♥ 11:46 PM

first day of school for most.
but fortunately,not for me as my first day will only starts on wednesday for the next two weeks.
thanks to the fe-le-xi-ble timetable.
(:

helped mama the whole day at home since she invited all her colleagues over.
Kak Ira came with her mummy and lil haziq in the morning.
and that lil tot really made my day,with his super cute antics,his chubby cheeks,the way he said"bye bye car"or "aper tu?"(because those were the only words he really knew how to pronounce),the constant running around the dining table,carrying him everywhere.everything about him is so cute!
gerammmm!i wish i could have one just like him.(hahaha.okie dah.)
and managed to get out of the house in the afternoon after they left,to get something in cck,with mama,while fetching danish from school at the same time too.
gosh,really,i miss cck,like a lot.

since school has started,and i'll be having long breaks in between my lessons(for your info,4 long hours of break!),i guess i'll just gonna spend my time in the school's library,reading up stuffs(i need to be alone and independant once again since the usual people are not with me now..*whines*),or with my girls whenever our timetable allows us to.
and speaking of which,i'm missing the waffles ice cream over at SP.
74 straight to SP sometime the next few weeks,girls?
*winks*

i've been hooked to The Hills eversince yesterday.
and i feel like a total bimbo.
pfft!
but then,who cares.
too much time to waste,i think.
haha.
so,i guess i'm gonna go back to the 7th episode of season 1.
how sweet.

cheerios and have a good monday night,sweethearts(:


ps/pardon for the bimbotic-sounding post.i'll be my usual self once i'm done with The Hills.=p

♥ 10:17 PM

saturday,raya raya with the labies!
and it was good,to have lina the cutie lil pie drove us like mad to and fro,from eunos,to sengkang,to bukit batok,to jurong east and to jurong west.
and who knew,the sweet lina,was FIERCE on the road.
Lina,please don't ever do that spine chilling turn involving the huge lorry AGAIN,hokay?
eventhough it was cool and we were laughing like hell and dah macam ala-ala tokyo drift(nyehaha),it was scary shit sia.
started off in the morning,and got home wee hours after midnight,and surprisingly,headquarter was all good yesterday(no phone calls,no membebels,prolly cause it's raya=p).
hahs.

a few hundred pictures were taken but let's just feast our eyes on these,okie?
don't ever expect me to load them all(:

♥ 3:50 PM

i'm happy.
because finally,i've organised every single thing inside my lappy.
from pictures,to musics,to files and documents.
everything.

i'm happy.
because i managed to type in my username and password without looking at the keyboard while logging in to blogger.
people might say,'big deal'.
hahs.
but it's a big achievement for me,a computer idiot.
(:

i'm happy.
because i love the feeling of choking on your own saliva and cough like mad.
i've been getting it the past few days.
i swear i love the after effect of it when you get all teary-eyed and itcy-ied throat and painful chest.
i'll feel so good after that.
weird,i know.but who cares.

i'm happy.
i've cleared my piling mails in my hotmail inbox.
and i hate junk mails from 'viagra.com'.wth.

i'm happy.
because i don't think i could be even more happier.

and dear papa.
i love you.
but sometimes i wish you would stop nagging and learn to chill once and for all.
where's the papa that we used to know?

♥ 8:36 PM

oh lately it's so quiet..

i think i need my remedy pretty soon.
i need some serious dose of laughters.
and a little bit of eveything.
i am in NEED.

girls.
let's meet tonight shall we?
i need to get some ice cream.
and lots and lots of hugs.
i need those.



later.

♥ 4:53 PM

finally a huge sigh of relief.
signed,sealed and sent.
8 months of pure madness,heartwrenching moments,blood boiling,horrendous and tedious work has finally ended.
ask me?i'm glad.ya.

now that i'm free from all those terrible 8 months,i have all the time in the world,for myself.

great.just great.

and all of a sudden,i feel the need to seek solace.

♥ 10:16 PM

Of all the things I believe in
I just want to get it over with
tears form behind my eyes
but I do not cry
Counting the days that past me by.

It hurts to want everything & nothing at the same time.

♥ 11:04 PM

here i am,stuck in school.with nothing better to do but to finish up the report and wait for (insertnamehere)'s approval.hopefully,it's better this time.or i'll turn nasty,after one whole night of staying up to re-do the whole thing.(yes,i and dear partner(especially her) did not even get to sleep the night through.pfft)

and,Happy Birthday,you mother!

thank you for being the mother.
you know you're the best eventhough you do nag a lot,and you do know i hate that.=p
we fought a lot the past few years eversince the day i 'thought' i could stand up on my own,which of course,you know best i couldn't and never will no matter what,and you,having to put up with my strong-headedness,is simply amazing.
we still have our tiffs often time and again.
but i still love you a thousand times over and over again anyway.
and that will never ever change.

and mama.
thank you for bringing me into this world.
thank you for raising me up to be what i've become now.
thank you for all the advices.
thank you for the 'snap back to reality' moments when you do know i need that at times.
thank you for taking in my nonsense.
thank you for giving me all the love in the world.
thank you for making me cherish you,and all the people around me.
you know,you can never be replace.

may you be bless with good health,love and care.
amin.
and i know i've never been good,but don't worry mama,i'll take care of the house for you,all the household chores and what's not.
but on one condition:can i not work after school's over?
(fat hope,i know.hehe.)


i love you,mama.
(:

♥ 12:12 PM

playing with the webcam is fun when you don't have any better things to do on a monday afternoon.
pardon for the slengeh/mentel/mintak kene sepak face.
(:

my weekend were spent jalan raya-ing,and collect collect moolah.
for three days straight,mind you!
and i was too tired when sunday night came.
hardcore raya mood,eyh?
and because of all the nonsensical nonsense i had stuffed into my stomach the past few days,i am having bloated moments now and then.
pfft.

so,after 198364828 days of not going to school to attend to my fyp,i finally did just now.
and i was so *toot* with that ___(insert name) of ours because of our fyp draft.
so much for a supervisor,when we only met her thrice for the whole course of our fyp.
i wish i could just take every single reports and throw them into the dustbin and set the whole dustbin ablaze,but i can't cause the report is worth over 100%(as were told by her) of the total fyp grades.
and how can i possibly throw my,(okie,ours) more-than-months' hardwork just like that.
and i,(and my dearest partner) need the grades badly just to be able to have that piece of shit,erk,i mean,cert,which,in other terms,my already-screwed-up-diploma.(:
damn it.
and,i wish i could just say,"i had enough" and run away from all of it,but obviously i can't.
just a lil bit moreeee.
okie.now,let's just not talk about it.i need to chill.*turning off my bitch-fit mode*.
(:

i'm having breakouts,breakouts,breakouts.
i swear i will never touch those make-ups for the next few days.
never.

just 7 more days till i'm back with my mugging days.dreading every few minutes of it,in addition(just don't rub it in,people eventhough i'm doing it to myself now) to not being able to hang-out with the usual cliques during school hours.(i'll miss them,especially my dear partner-in-crime for,everything.*sniggering*)
but,no matter how much i hate school,lest being all freaking alone for the future tutorials and lectures and practical sessions,let's just finish off what i've started about two and a half years ago.just a few months to go,and that's it.
i'm done.done.done.
insyaAllah.

but,looking on the bright side,i'm gonna have more time spent with my two favourite girls in school,just like the good old days.those days when i don't even have that freaking fyp to tend to.those days when we would skip lectures just to lepak at blk 43,weekly.those days when i could just worry about nothing,but to just have fun.hahs.amaciam girls,gi main pool every week macam dulu2 kapee?heeee(:

and dear Bby.
when will i ever,EVER see you again?
(:

♥ 4:10 PM

1)my eyes are hurting from rubbing too much to get rid of thick mascara,eyeliners and what-nots.

♥ 11:36 PM

this year wasn't that grand as last year's or the other years' maybe because:not much duit collection(hahaha.okie dah.) and there's no own transportation.also,my legs gave way(expectedly) just before reaching the first house.and i have to walk barefoot at certain places because of the swells.so unglamorous.damn,that 4-inch heels.grr..

also,not much pictures were taken simply because:no camera,or there was,but of bad quality.and everybody was wee tired eventhough we only visited three houses for the whole day.talk about the distances we had to travel with public transport.haha.okie,no more complains.

the only picture there was with me(pandai2lah kamu2 memperbesarkan gambar ini untuk tontonan sendiri=p).
take note of the previous raya and this year's.everybody is so tembam eventhough we fasted the whole month.haha.

second day today,and we decided to just rest at home.will only be going out raya-ing again tomorrow and during the weekends.

so long,and again,selamat hari raya everybody!(:




ps/i miss you sesangat,bby.

♥ 10:48 PM